Shadow Todd
by mayalynch
Summary: One of the greatest Tim Burton movies ever, Sonic Style! Please note that SOME of the songs are cut out. Rated T for Violent scenes and swearing, but it's really funny!
1. Introduction

Hi! For those of you that haven't read my profile, my favorite movie is Sweeney Todd, and one of my favorite video game series is Sonic the Hedgehog. I have this habit of wondering what things would be like if combined, and this is the result! Here's a list of which Sonic characters will be in this pop culture mixture:

Shadow: Sweeney Todd (Shadow Todd)

Rouge: Mrs. Lovett (Mrs. Rougett)

Judge Turpin: Dr. Eggman (Judge Eggman)

Anthony Hope: Charmy (Charmabee Hope)

Beadle: Bokkun

Johanna: Cream (CreamBunny)

Pirelli: Sonic

Beggar Woman Lucy: Maria

Asylum Guy: Vector


	2. No place like Mobius

(The scene opens with a ship emerging from fog. A bee in a helmet and orange waistcoat is seen on it.)

Charmabee: I have flown the world and seen its wonders, from Castle Town, to Green Greens of Dreamland; but there's no place like Mobius!

(An emo-looking, black and red striped hedgehog walks up from behind Charmabee.)

Shadow: No, there's no place like Mobius!

Charmabee: Mr. Todd?

Shadow: (Pats Charmabee on the head, and then throws him into the water) Ah, you're too young to understand.

(Charmabee climbs back on board, covered with seaweed, jellyfish, and few small octopi.)

Shadow: There's a hole in the world like a great black pit and the bastards of the world inhabit it and its morals aren't worth of what a chao could spit and it goes by the name of Mobius…

Charmabee: o_0

Chao: (*looks at a vial of spit*)

Shadow: At the top of the hole sit the privileged few making fun of the bastards in the lower zoo turning coolness into filth and greed…I too have ran the world and seen its wonders, for the cruelty of beasts is as wondrous as Dreamland; but there's no place LIKE Mobius…

(Shadow and Charmabee get off the boat, with Shadow looking more depressed than usual)

Charmabee: (Flying around Shadow) Tell me what's wrong Shadow, will you? Huh? Huh? HUH?

Shadow: Fine… Charmabee, let me tell you a story…

(Charmabee sits down like a preschooler at story time)

Shadow: There was a hedgehog and his wife, and she was beautiful… a lonely hedgehog and his wife. She was his reason and his life, and she was beautiful… and she was virtuous. And he was… lonely.

(A flashback of Shadow is seen. He and Maria are pushing a baby Cream. Shadow then grabs a little chao from the ground and gives it to Cream, making her smile.)

Shadow: There was an ugly man who saw…that she was beautiful. A DISGUSTING lawyer wannabe, who with a gesture of his hand, removed the hedgehog from his life! Then there was nothing but to wait… and she would FALL! SO SOFT, SO YOUNG, SO LOST AND OH, SO BEAUTIFUL!

Charmabee: Did the pretty lady come with us too?

Shadow: (*Punches Charmabee*) THAT WAS 15 **BEEP**-ING YEARS AGO, SO HOW WOULD I KNOW?!

Charmabee: And will I see you again? (*Faints*)

Shadow: (*Slips a piece of paper in Charmabee's pocket*) Here's my address. (*Walks away*)

Shadow: There's a hole in the world like a great black pit and it's filled with creatures that are filled with **beep** and the bastards of the world inhabit it…


	3. Worst Pies in Mobius

(Shadow runs through the streets—and over a few people as he makes his way to Mrs. Rougett's pie shop. He then opens the door.)

Rougett: YAY! You're the 1st customer I've had all month! Now sit down.

(*Shoves Shadow into a chair*)

Rougett: Here, have a pie.

(*Shadow barfs after eating it*)

Rougett: Do you see Mrs. Amy's shop across the street?

Shadow: Yeah…

Rougett: Well you see, money's been tight lately, and she's been using chaos for meat.

(*Shadow barfs again*)

Rougett: Now come back here, and I'll tell you a story.

ONE CENSORED-OUT STORY LATER…

Shadow: NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!! (*Runs around smashing stuff with a mallet*)

Rougett: Did I mention that it was in public?

Shadow: (*repeats last action*)

Rougett: (A la Amy) SHADOW-KUUUN!!! (*Glomps*)

Shadow: (*Hits Rougett with mallet*)

Rougett: Also, Maria poisoned herself, and CreamBunny is now Eggman's ward.

Shadow: (*Faints*)

3 MINUTES AND 1 CONSIOUS REGAIN LATER…

Rougett: Here's something I thought you'd like to see. (*Hands Shadow a box*)

Shadow: (*Opens box to reveal not only razors, but also guns*) These are my friends…see how they glisten. See this one shine, (*Opens razor*) how he smiles, in the light, my frieeeennnnd, my fatal frieeennd…

Still Shadow: Scream to me friend… whisper, oh listen… I know, I know, you've been locked out of sight all these yeeeeaaars, like me, my frieeennd! Well, I've come Hooome to find you waiting! Hooome, and we're together—and we'll do wonders, won't we?

Rougett: o_0

Shadow: You there, my friend,

Rougett: (*hitting Shadow with a book*) I'm your friend too, Shadow

Shadow: Come and let me hold you…

Rougett: If you only knew, Mr. Todd, oh, Mr. Todd…

Shadow/Rougett: You grow warm in my hand…

Shadow: My frieeennd…

Rougett: (*Glomping*) You've come Hooome,

Shadow: My clever frieeennd…

Rougett: I've always had a crush on you.

Shadow: Rest now, my friends, soon I'll unfold you, soon you'll know

Rougett/Shadow: Splendors you've never dreamed all your days will be yours…

Shadow/Rougett: o_0

Shadow: …My deadly friends!

Rougett: (*Hitting Shadow with a chair*) I'm your friend, and now you're mine!

Shadow: Until now, your shine was merely silver…

Rougett: Silver's good enough for me…

Silver: o_0

Shadow: How did you know I changed my name?

Rougett: I saw your new business card.

Shadow: (*Punches Rougett; knocking her out. He then slits his wrist*) AT LAST, MY ARM IS BLEEDING AGAIN!


	4. Creambunny

(Charmabee is seen sitting on a bench in front of a park, staring at a map.)

Charmabee: Let's see… I live here… Shadow's shop is right here… The candy store that sells the worlds largest Pixie Sticks is here…wait, what's that?

(Charmabee looks across the street and sees a big house with a cute bunny girl talking to a chao. He stands in the middle of the street, paralyzed by love. A few cars then hit him.)

Creambunny: Cheese, I own you as a pet, but you're as happy as can be. How come I don't feel the same way about that Judge Eggman?

(A beggar woman walks by)

Beggar Woman: Cash, cash, for a very young woman…

(Charmabee grabs Beggar Woman)

Charmabee: TELL ME WHO THAT HOUSE BELONGS TO AND THE NAME OF THAT PRETTY BUNNY IN THE WINDOW!

Beggar Woman: Oh, that's Eggman's house, and that's Creambunny. She's lived there ever since her mother poisoned herself with arsenic from that pharmacy over there.

Pharmacy Owner: Poisons, get your poisons here!

(Charmabee crosses the street.)

Charmabee: I feeeeelll you, Creambunny, I feeeeelll you. I thought I was going crazy, hallucinating from the suuuuugar, happily I was mistaken Creambunny—

(Eggman's door opens)

Eggman: Come in, come in.

ONE MINUTE LATER

Charmabee: I'm looking for this park, but I keep getting lost. It's embarrassing for a detective to loose his way.

Eggman: (*Thinking*) There's a park across the street you idiot! (*Talking*) So a detective, eh? That means you should know about Jack the Ripper, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, "The Bulgarian Martyressess"… Want to see? (*Pulls out DVD*)

Charmabee: o_0… I think there's been some mistake…

Eggman: I think NOT. You LOOKED at my ward!

Charmabee: AND sang a song about her!

10 SECONDS LATER

Bokkun: (*whipping Charmabee*) You heard what the judge said! Never come back here again, and leave Creambunny alone! *Drops an extremely fancy valentine*

Charmabee: You didn't sign that yet, did you? (*Points to valentine*)

Bokkun: Uh… no.

Charmabee: *Grabbing Valentine* Bye!

Bokkun: HEY! GIVE THAT BACK!

Charmabee: I'll steeeeeealll you, Creambunny, I'll steeeealll you. Do you think that walls can hide you? Even now I'm at your wiiiinndow. I am in the dark beside you-- Buried sweetly in your brownish fuurrr!

Eggman: (*throws a rock through the window at Charmabee*) She has TAN fur, not brownish fur!

Charmabee: Thanks; I'll keep that in mind when I sing about her again! (*gets hit by another car*)


	5. Sonic's notso miracle elixir

**Author's Note:** Hi! This is the 5th chapter, but there's only ONE review. If I know that there's SOMEONE out there that thinks this story is funny, it will give me a nice confidence with writing boost. Anyway, on to the story!

(Shadow and Mrs. Rougett are walking in a farmer's market. They stop at a stage)

Rougett: You should really see this guy. He's here every Thursday.

(Tails steps out from behind a curtain)

Shadow: Is that him?

Rougett: No.

Tails: (*Runs around with a bag and beating a drum*) Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention pleeeeease? Do you wake up every morning and think that you look like a naked mole raaaat? Now why do you think thaaaat? Well, ladies and gentlemen, from now on you'll wake up with clean thoughts! And you'll never again have to take care of your robots! Gentlemen, You're about to see the coolest invention ever right noooowww… on the top of this chao! (*Opens the bag, revealing a chao that looks exactly like Cousin Itt from The Addams Family*) Try Sonic's miracle elixir! That's what made this wonder, yes it did. Does it look weird because it has a huge beard? That's what this stuff's supposed to do!

(Shadow and Mrs. Rougett barf)

Shadow: Man, what's that awful stench?

Rougett: Are we near a garbage barge?

Tails: Want to buy a bottle, people? (*Passes out bottles*)

Shadow: This is pee, pee with ink!

Rougett: (*barfs again*)

Tails: Let Sonic activate your hair growth!

Shadow: Don't you dare use this; it's not good for you!

Tails: Girls SEEM to love it!

Rougett: I eat bugs!

Everyone in audience: o_0

Rougett: What? I'm a bat! It's what we eat!

(The curtain opens to reveal Sonic doing something that proves that Shadow was right.)

Random guy: Oh my god! HE'S NOT WEARING ANY PANTS!

Everyone in audience: (*gasp*)

Itt-chao: (*Barfs*)

Sonic: Uh-oh! (*Kicks away chamber pot*) IIIIIIII am Sonic de Hedgehog, ze eater of hot dogs, ze runner of miles—(*Gets tackled by Amy*) Amy, get off of me s'il vous plait! And please go away! And IIIIII, ze ever so famous Sonic, I vish to know who has ze nerve to SAAAAAYYYY my elixir is pee!

Shadow: I did! My name is Shadow Todd, and since I'm a PROFESSINAL barber, and not a blue buffoon on stage with a chamber pot—

Sonic: HEY!

Shadow: - I challenge you to a shaving contest… with Bokkun over there as the judge.

Sonic: Very well… but only if ve can do it a la POKEMON BATTLE!

(*Trainer battle music plays*)

You are challenged by con man Sonic!

Sonic: Err… I'm not a con man…

Con man Sonic used sharpen razor!

Tails' fingers were cut!

Tails: OOOOWWWW!

Shadow used look at razors!

Sonic used lather!

Shadow used pick razor!

Sonic used shave!

Shadow used mix lather!

Sonic tried to make the brrriiiiistle clean like a whiiistle!

Shadow used lather!

Sonic used hold extremely long and high note!

Shadow used mega shave!

Bokkun: Shadow is the winner!

Sonic: Darn, I lost… Shadow, you vouldn't mind if I stopped by your shop later on?

Shadow: Yeah, sure, whatever.

Bokkun: You're really good! Would you like it if I recommended you to my friend Judge Eggman?

Shadow: Yes… I would like that VERY much. (*Grins evilly*)

Bokkun: What's with the creepy smile?

Shadow: Nothing…

Bokkun: Then Eggman will be there before the week is over. Bye! (*Zooms off*)

Shadow: YES! (*Does the Kirby victory dance*)


	6. Sonic's not making any more elixirs

(Shadow is looking out the window of his shop, sharpening his razor)

Rougett: Bokkun said that he and Eggman would be here before the week is over, and it's only Tuesday. Also, haven't you ever heard the saying, "All good things come to those who can…waaaaiiiit…"

Shadow: (*ignoring her completely*) The judge when do we get to him?

(Someone is then heard running up the stairs. Shadow runs to see who it is, but the door opens and hits him in the face.)

Charmabee: Shadow, Shadow! (*Sees Mrs. Rougett*) Oh, hi.

Rougett: Hi, I'm Mrs. Rougett.

Charmabee: It's a pleasure to meet you, ma'mm. (*Closes door*) Shadow! I just met this REALLY cute bunny girl in the street, but since her guardian is an ugly and creepy pedophile, I'm going to break open her window, grab her, and take her to my best friend's place, which is you!

Shadow: (*falls on and hugs Charmabee at the same time*) THANK YOU! Now get out! (*Throws Charmabee out the window*)

Charmabee: THANK YOU, MR. TO—hey that's the bluest hedgehog I've ever seen!

Shadow: "Bluest hedgehog…" Mrs. Rougett, keep the fox downstairs.

ONE OR TWO MINUTES LATER…

Sonic: Monsieur Todd?

Shadow: At your service.

Sonic: (*coughs up Frenchman*) Wow, I haven't been in here in years.

Shadow: o_0

Sonic: I didn't think you'd remember me. I used to sit right over there, (*Points to corner*) I gave you foot massages, I brought you the paper, and I kept in contact with Eggman. Does that ring any bells, Monsieur Shadow ze Hedgehog?

Shadow: (*Reaches for nearby teapot*) GRRRRAAAAHHH!

MANY WHAMS, CLOBBERINGS, BANGS, WHACKS, ETC. LATER DOWNSTAIRS…

Rougett: (*Dusts off pie, then gives it to Tails*) You remind me a lot of my dear Knuckles…Except that he died of bloatation. Also, his dreads weren't as thick as that chao's.

Tails: It's just a wig…(*takes it off*) OH MY GOD! Sonic's favorite chilidog place opens in a few minutes! If he's late, he'll blame me! (*Runs upstairs*)

Rougett: Damn It! I lost another customer!

UPSTAIRS…

Tails: Sonic, your chilidog… (*Sees Shadow making tea*)

Shadow: Sonic went off by himself.

Tails (*Sitting on trunk*) Then I should stay here. He'll notice that he forgot me.

Shadow: Did Mrs. Rougett give you the beer that I asked her to?

Tails THANK YOU! (*Hugs Shadow*)

DOWNSTAIRS…

Rougett: (*Pouring a beer*) You know this is illegal, right?

Tails: My parents used to give it to me so I could sleep… I think they're in prison nowwwwzzzzzzzzzzz…

BACK UPSTAIRS…

Rougett: How long until Sonic gets back?

Shadow: He WON'T be coming back. (*Points to teapot*)

Rougett: (*Opens trunk*) YOU KILLED HIM!

Shadow: He tried to blackmail me.

Rougett: Oh, that's okay then. (*Looks in trunk again*) Whoa, that's a lot of blood.

Shadow: (*Looks out window*) The judge! GET OUT! (*Throws Mrs. Rougett out the window, then picks up phone*) Hello, Home insurance?


	7. Pretty Bunnies

Shadow: (*Thinking while standing by the window*) Crap… Eggman is here and I'm covered with blood! How fast can I possibly clean this up?

**10 MINUTES AND 10 BRANDS OF STAIN REMOVERS LATER…**

Shadow: Darn, it's still not coming off…good thing I have red stripes. (*Looks out window*) THEY'RE STILL THERE? WHAT CAN THEY POSSIBLY BE TALKING ABOUT THAT WOULD MAKE THEM WAIT 10 MINUTES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS?

**OUTSIDE…**

Bokkun: You're a pedophile? Then does that mean you're planning on doing something with Creambunny?

Eggman: Yes… But when I told her that, she screamed at the top of her lungs and threw an encyclopedia at me.

Bokkun: (*Thinking*) Who _wouldn't_ do that if someone told her that? (*Singing*) Excuse me Eggman; may I request Eggman, for permission for me to speak?

Eggman: Yeah, sure, whatever.

Bokkun: Forgive me, Eggman; you're looking less than your best, Eggman; there's oil upon your suit, Eggman, and a thick mustache on your cheeks.

Eggman: Yeah, I know that. What's your point?

Bokkun: That stupid, annoying bee that we beat up the other day says that he has a friend that's a barber, and Creambunny might see how HANDSOME you are if you shave it off.

Eggman: Is this place barber's place?

Bokkun: Yep.

Eggman: Go away. I can walk home.

Bokkun: OK!

**INSIDE…**

Shadow: Finally!

Eggman: Are you a barber?

Shadow: DUH!

Eggman: You see sir; a man infatuated with love can no longer be a slave, so fetch the pummel and pumice stone and a sprinkling, perhaps of French cologne but first and foremost, a shave!

Shadow: (*Grinning evilly*) The closest I ever gave! (*Starts whistling*)

Eggman: Are you in a good mood today?

Shadow: Yes… And I heard that you're planning on mating with your ward.

Eggman: Yeah… she's as pretty as a rosebud.

Shadow: Pretty as her mother, who just so happened to be a different species?

Eggman: Huh? What'd you say?

Shadow: Nothing. (*Starts lathering*)

Eggman: Pretty women… proof of heaven, as you're living! Pretty women!

Shadow: (*Still grinning evilly, while sliding razor toward Eggman's throat*) Sir!

Eggman: Pretty women!

Shadow: Yes!

Eggman: Pretty women!

Shadow: Oh yes!

Eggman: Pretty woma—

Charmabee: (*bursting in*) Hey Shadow! I threw a rock through Creambunny's window, and she said that she'd run away with me to—(*Sees Eggman*) night…

Eggman: You two are friends, right?

Charmabee: Yep!

Eggman: Then I'm never coming here again! (*Storms out*)

Charmabee: Sorry about that Shadow—

Shadow: (*Pushing Charmabee out the door*) Out.

Charmabee: (*Comes back in*) –But you know how I get with situations like this—

Shadow: (*Throwing Charmabee out the door*) OUT!

Charmabee: (*Comes back in*) –And I just met a cute girl, so—

Shadow: (*Kicking Charmabee out the window*) OOOOUUUUUUTTTT!

Charmabee: (*Flies away screaming*)

(*Violin music starts playing*)


	8. A little epiphany

Rougett: (*Runs in*) What just happened?

Shadow: I had him…

Rougett: I just saw that bee pal of yours screaming.

Shadow: I HAD HIM! His throat was bare beneath my hand…

Rougett: There, there love, calm down.

Shadow: NO, I HAD HIM! His throat was there and now he'll never come again! (*Pouts*)

Rougett: Easy now, hush, love hush. What in the world is your rush?

Shadow: WHEN? WHY THE HELL DID I WAIT? YOU TOLD ME TO WAIT, NOW HE'LL NEVER COME AGAIN! (*Runs to window*) There's a hole in the world like a great black pit and it's filled with creatures that are filled with **beep** and the bastards of the world inhabit it… (*Grins evilly*) …but not for looonnngg. They all deserve to die! Tell you why Mrs. Rougett, tell you why. (*Shoves her against a wall*) Because in all of the WHOLE mammalian RACES, Mrs. Rougett, there are TWO kinds of males and ONLY TWO! There's the one STAYING PUT IN HIS PROPER PLACE and the one WITH HIS FOOT IN THE OTHER ONE'S FACE! LOOK AT ME MRS. ROUGETT, LOOK AT YOU!

Rougett: o_0

Shadow: Now we aaaallll deserve to die! Even YOU Mrs. Rougett, even I. (*Shoves her into chair and touches razor to her neck*) because the lives of the wicked should BE MADE BRIEF, for the rest of us DEATH WILL BE A RELIEF! WE AAAAAAAALLLLLLLL DESERVE TO DIE!

Rougett: Eep…

Shadow: (*Drops razor*) And I'll neeeeveeerrr see Creambuuunnnyy, no I'll neeeeveeerrr hug my girl to me… FINISHED! (*Runs outside and points to random people*) You sir, how about a shave? Come and visit your good friend Shadow! You sir, too sir? Welcome to the grave! I will have veeennngenance. I will have Salvaaaationnn. Who sir, you sir? No one's in the damn chair; come on, come on. Shadow's waiting, I want you bleeders. You sir! Anybody? Gentlemen now don't be shy. Not one guuuy, no nor ten guuuys, nor a hundred can assuage me. I will have you! (*Slashes razors*) And I will get him back, even as he gloats! In the meantime, I'll practice on less honorable throats! (*Thrashes at a puddle*) And Maaarriiiaaa lies in heeeerrr bed, and I'll neeeeveeerrr see my kid again. But the work… WAIT! I'm alive at LAST! And I'm full of JOOOYYYYY!

(As it turns out, Shadow never left his shop.)

Rougett: That's all very well, but what are we going to do about him? (*Points to Sonic's corpse*)

Shadow: How about we go downstairs, have some beer, and see what drunken thoughts we can come up with?

Rougett: Okay!

ONE STAIR TRIP LATER…

Rougett: (*Takes keg of beer from a passed out Tails*) Great. Now I have to take care of a kid alcoholic. (*Looks out window, and a wicked grin spreads across her face*) Seems a downright shame.

Shadow: (*Puts down glass*) Shame?

Rougett: Seems an awful waste. Such a nice lean frame, what's his name has. Had. But it can't be traced. I need some money. And get rid of loan sharks. Think of it as a hobby, as a gift, IF YOU GET MY DRIFT.

Shadow: What the **beep** are you talking about?

Rougett: Seems an awful waste… I mean, with the PRICE OF FLESH WHAT IT IS, when you get it. IF YOU GET IT.

Shadow: (*Grins evilly*) Ah.

Rougett: Good, you got it! Take for instance, Mrs. Amy and her piiiieee shop! Business never better using little chaos and toast! Chaos is good for maybe 6 or 7 at the most! And I know they can't go as far as 10!

Shadow: (*Standing up*) Mrs. Rougett, what a charming notion!

Rougett: Well, it DOES seem a waste!

Shadow: Eminently practical and appropriate as always!

Rougett: It IS a good idea…

Shadow: Mrs. Rougett, how I lived without you all these years I'll never KNOW! (*Starts waltzing*)

Rougett: Think about it! Lots of other guys will be coming for a shave, won't they?

Shadow: How delectable! Also undetectable! How choice! How Rare!

Rougett: PIES!

Shadow: (*Waltzes to the window*) For what's the sound of the world out there?

Rougett: What, Shadow Todd? What, Shadow Todd? What is that sound?

Shadow: Those crunch-ing noises pervading the aaaaiiiirrr!

Rougett: Yes, Shadow Todd! Yes, Shadow Todd! Yes all around!

Shadow: It's guy devouring guy, my dear!

Both: And who are we to deny it in heeeeeeeeeerrre?

Shadow: Desperate times call for desperate measures, Mrs. Rougett.

Rougett: Here. (*Hands Shadow a pie*)

Shadow: What the **beep** is that?

Rougett: Uh… (*Looks out window and sees Big*) It's cat. Have an obese cat.

Shadow: Is it really good?

Rougett: Shad, It's too good, at least. And it's pretty dumb.

Shadow: He has diabetes.

Rougett: But it makes him meaty.

Shadow: Haven't you got chameleon, or something like that? (*Points to Espio*)

Rougett: No, you see, the trouble with chameleons are how do you know they're chopped up! Try the cat! Lawyer's pretty nice.

Shadow: No, it's not.

Rougett: Then let's not serve it in public, 'cause then we might get sued ourselves.

Shadow: Anything that's sweet?

Rougett: Well, if you're Mobian and loyal you might like raccoons named Marine. (*Points to the latter*) But she's not very clean. So of course she tastes of wherever she's been!

Shadow: (*Barfs*) Is that beeeeaaarrrr on the fiiiirrrre?

Rougett: Mercy, no sir, look closer, you'll notice it's hunter!

Shadow: Looks greener! More Like Vector!

Rougett: No, it has to be hunter—(*whispers*) It's Bean!

Bean: o_0

Shadow: (*Waltzes again*) The history of the world, my love—

Rougett: Save a lot of money of graves, do a lot of relatives favors!

Shadow: Is those below serving those up above!

Rougett: Everybody says that there should be plenty of flavors!

Shadow: How gratifying for us to know—

Both: -That those above will serve those down beeeeellloooowww!

Rougett: (*Takes out another pie*)

Shadow: Now, what's that?

Rougett: It's hawk. Finest on the block. And we have some swallow's pie peppered with actual swallow on top! And I've just begun… here's the echidna, so headstrong, it comes with a free gong, have one!

Shadow: Put it in your buns! But, you never know if it's going to punch!

Rougett: Try the chipmunk, it has more spunk!

Shadow: Ah, but always shows up in my barf! I'll come again… when you have EGG on the menu. (*Waltzes yet again*) Have charity towards the world, my pet!

Rougett: Yes, yes, I know, my love!

Shadow: We'll take the customers that we can get!

Rougett: They might be high, my love.

Shadow: We'll NOT discriminate great from small!

Both: So, we'll serve anyone, and we mean anyone, and to anyone AT AAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

Shadow: The history of the world, my sweet!

Rougett: The song's over, Shadow.

Shadow: Is WHO gets eaten and who gets to eat!

Rougett: That line was cut from the movie we're parodying to make it shorter and less gruesome.

Author: (*Gasp*) YOU BROKE THE 4TH WALL!


	9. Creambunny Again! and many deaths

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **For those of you that bother to read this, this is the 9th chapter, and I check my e-mail every 6-12 hours, but I only have 3 (Non- flame) reviews. If you understand what I'm trying to say here, GET WITH THE PROGRAM! I _LIKE _being appreciated! (Also, please answer the question in my profile)

Anyway, on with the story…

(Creambunny is in her room, shoving things into a suitcase)

Creambunny: Let's see… plain dresses, frilly dresses, fancy dresses, chaos, —

Chao: (*Translated*) Can't…breathe…

Creambunny: -Tea set, cookbooks, and undergarments!

Eggman: (*Bursting in*) AHA!

Creambunny: (*After screaming for 5 seconds*) DID YOU COME IN HERE BECAUSE I SAID "UNDERGARMENTS?

Eggman: Uuuuuuhhhh… no? (*Throws away camera*) YOU'RE PLANNING ON RUNNING AWAY WITH THAT DETECTIVE, AREN'T YOU?

Creambunny: Uuuuuuhhh… no? (*Closes suitcase*)

Eggman: Oh Really? Bokkun, get in here!

LESS THEN 5 MINUTES LATER…

(Charmabee comes out of a tent on Eggman's front lawn to see Creambunny screaming while being thrown into the Egg-mobile.)

Charmabee: (*Grabs Eggman*) WHERE ARE YOU TAKING HER?

Eggman: YOU DUMB BOY! TAKE A GUESS!

(*Charmabee takes off after the egg-mobile*)

MEANWHILE…

Shadow: (*Thinking while looking at his chair*) Hmmm… Maybe I could change the black leather to red velvet to hide the bloodstains, (*Does so*) install a pedal-operated trapdoor that leads to the bake-house, (*Does so*) and listen to some cool violin/organ music! (*Looks up Sondheim in the phone book*)

THAT NIGHT…

Charmabee: (*Still flying/running*) I feeeeelll you, Creambuuunnnyy, I feeeeelll you. Do they think that walls can hiiide you? Even now, I'm at your wiiiinndow. I am in the dark besiiide you—buried sweetly in your tanish fuurrr, Creambuuunnnyy.

Shadow: And are you beautiful and pale, with tanish fur, (*Kills Espio*) like coffee? I'd want you beautiful and pale, the way I've dreamed you were, Creambuuunnnyy. And if you're beautiful what then, with tanish fur, like sand? I think we shall not meet again, (*Kills Bean*) my little bun, my sweet Creambuuunnnyy.

Charmabee: (*In a fish market*) I'll steeeealll you, Creambuuunnnyy.

Shadow: GOODBYE, Creambunny! You're gone, and yet you're mine! I'm fine, Creambunny, (*Leans against window*) I'm fine…

Charmabee: Creambuuuuuunnnnnnyyyyy…

Beggar Woman: Smoke! Smoke! She's so evil; she's so evil, set it on fire! **Beep**, **Beep**, (*Grabs a random guy*) smell it sir, an evil smell, every night at the bat woman's bell, smoke that comes from a scary cave; set it on fire! It stinks! It stinks! It stinks!

Random guy: o_0

Shadow: And if I never hear your voice, my fluffy bun, my dear, I still have reasons to rejoice, the way ahead is clear, Creambuuunnnyy!

Charmabee: (*In a meat locker*) I feeeeelll you…

Shadow: And in that darkness when I'm blind, with what I can't forget—

Charmabee: Creambuuunnnyy…

Shadow: It's always morning in my mind, my little bun, my pet, Creambuuunnnyy! You stay, Creambunny—

Charmabee: (*In a graveyard*) Creambuuuuuuunnnnyyyyy…

Shadow: The way I dream you are; oh look, Creambunny, a staaarrrr… (*Kills Bark*)

Charmabee: (*Hugging a corpse*) Buried sweetly in your tanish fuurrr…

Shadow: A SHOOTING staaarrrr…

Beggar woman: There, there! Somebody, somebody look up there, set it on fire! (*Grabs another random guy*) Quick sir, run and tell the little echidna in the big green gem, (*Points to the master emerald*) there it is, there it is, that ungodly smell! Tell it to the echidna and the police as well! Tell her! Tell her! Help, fiend! Set it on fire, set it on fire! It stinks! It stinks!

Shadow: And though I'll think of you I guess, (*Kills Big and Froggy*) until the day I die, I think I miss you less and less, as every day goes by, Creambu—OH MY GOD, WHAT DID I JUST SAY? (*Hits himself on the head with a frying pan*) And you'd be beautiful and pale, and look too much like her… (*Gets so distracted by a picture of Maria, he forgets to kill Nack the weasel*)

Nack: I'm going to steal the Chaos emeralds now, bye! (*Hops out window*)

Shadow: If only Eggman could prevail, we'd be the way we were! Creambuuunnnyy!

Charmabee: (*In an opium den*) I feeeeelll you, Creambuuunnnyy…

Shadow: Wake up, Creambunny! Another bright red day! We learn, Creambunny, to saaaaaayy… (*Kills Jet*) Goooodbyyyyee…

Charmabee: (*Outside Vector's Asylum*) I'll steeeeeealll yoooooooooouuuuuu…

Shadow: (*Strokes a picture of Maria and Creambunny with bloodstained fingers and a sad, lonely look on his face*)


	10. Asylum Time!

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** It's close to the end of the story, but I only have one answer to my "Which fanfic should I do next?" question. If you enjoy reading this, and if you want to see more stuff by me, review to answer the question before 8/18/10. (That's when my school starts.)

**ANYWAY, ON WITH THE STORY…**

(Tails is dressed in a slightly shabby tux, and is hitting a drum and playing a brass instrument outside the pie shop.)

Tails: Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention plleeeeeaaassseee? Did you notice I sang this song earlier but with different words and musiiiic? Well, the author sure diiiiiid.

Author: (*Grabs superglue for the 4th wall*)

Tails: Well, ladies and gentlemen, this aroma inside of this breeeeze is nothing like the usual source the gourmets among you will tell you, of cooouuurrrssee. Everyone, you can't imagine that this stuff used to be weird glooooop… just inside of this shop!

A FEW MINUTES LATER…

Still Tails: Get free samples of Mrs. Rougett's meat pies! Amphibian and bird pies, as you'll see. If you eat pies, Mrs. Rougett's meat pies conjure up the treat pies used to be!

Rougett: Tails!

Tails: Coming!

Rougett: (*Pointing at Blaze*) Needs brandy!

Tails: (*Carrying a bottle of brandy*) Run, ma'am.

Rougett: Okay! (*Grabs a random kid*) Nice to see you, sweetie! How have you been feeling? Breaking bones is painful. Tails! Give this kid a cast!

Tails: (*Does so*)

Kid: But… I don't have any broken bones…

Tails: (*Puts on boxing gloves*)

Rougett: (*Sees the Beggar Woman*) Tails! Throw that woman out!

Tails: (*Grabs a GIANT flyswatter*)

Rougett: (*Sees Shadow leading someone into his shop*) Bless my wiles! Fresh Supplies!

Customers: o_0

Rougett: Erm… forget that! (*Goes to a random kid's table*) How are the pies, sweetie?

Tails: Aren't they fit for a king?

Rougett: (*Hears a customer*) Be there in a second!

Tails: Isn't that a wondrous, sweet, and most delectable thing?

Rougett: (*Sees the Beggar woman*) TAILS! THROW THAT WOMAN OUT AGAIN!

Tails: (*Grabs an even BIGGER flyswatter and puts on cleats*)

A FEW HOURS LATER UPSTAIRS…

Shadow: So, how did the day go?

Rougett: Terrible! Tails almost blew his cover as a kid alcoholic!

Tails: Hey, it's not MY fault that the customer wanted me to test his beer for poison!

Charmabee: (*LITERALLY bursting through the door*) Shadow! Eggman sent Creambunny to an asylum, but they won't put me in too because they don't consider permanent sugar rush to be a mental disorder!

Shadow: (At both of the things Charmabee said) WHAT? (*Gears turn in his head and grins evilly*) Charmabee… do you know where wigs come from?

Charmabee: People with trichotillomainia? *

Author: Hey! I only use that to make little finger wigs!

Shadow: Close. People bring razors/ scissors to asylums and shave the inmates' heads. (*Hands Charmabee a card*) Here's a store that sells wigmaker uniforms. Buy one, go to the asylum, and then bring Creambunny here.

Charmabee: THANK YOU! (*Hugs Shadow*)

Shadow: (*Punches Charmabee out of the whole in the door he made*) Tails, forge my handwriting and deliver the letter to Judge Eggman, and tell him that Creambunny has changed her mind and will be waiting for him here.

Tails: Yes Sir. (*Heads downstairs*)

Shadow: Mrs. Rougett, (*Whispers in her ear*)

ABOUT HALF AN HOUR LATER, AT THE ASYLUM…

Vector: Thanks for coming! The wigmaker that usually comes here stopped coming after he said that he was going for a scale polish. (*Gestures to cells*) I keep the cats in here—

Blaze: (*Lights all of her cellmates on fire*)

Vector: The echidnas in here—

Shade: YOU CAN'T IMPRISON ME! I'M FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION! (*Gets tasered*)

Vector: And the rabbits in here. That's what you wanted, right?

Charmabee: (*Nods*)

Vector: (*Opens door*)

Charmabee: (*Grabs Creambunny and points a gun at Vector*) Vector, you are a very bad croc for doing this, and did you notice that Creambunny here is the only one that doesn't have white foam on her mouth and is not a Rabbid? (*Leaves*)

Vector Uh-oh… (*Gets mauled by rabid Rabbids*)

MEANWHILE…

Tails: Mrs. Rougett?

Rougett: Yeah?

Tails: You're the best mother figure I've ever had since my mom got arrested… I think.

Rougett: Awww, thanks… do you want to learn how to cook the pies that we make?

Tails: Okay!

Rougett: (*Leads him to the bake house*) Always make sure the oven door is closed tightly.

Tails: Got it.

Rougett: Why don't you try the meat grinder?

Tails: (*Failing to notice a sign on the meat grinder that says "Lecter industries: Supplying your cannibalistic and psychiatric needs since '91."*) Sure!

Rougett: I'll let you do it alone for a while, feel free to eat whatever you want! (*Locks door*)

Tails: (*Grabs a pie and eats it, but then notices a green feather in it*)

TEN SECONDS OF o_0 LATER…

Tails: (*Screams at the top of his lungs until the next chapter*)

* Trichotillomainia is a post-traumatic stress/impulse control disorder that I have that causes me to pull out my hair when I'm stressed. (It's related to pyromania and kleptomania.)


	11. A totally not happy ending

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** If you're reading this, please review this story with an answer to the question on my profile before 8/18/10. This is partly because I have a hard time making decisions and partly because I like to know what people think.

**ANYWAY, ON WITH THE STORY…**

Rougett: Okay, I locked Tails in the bakehouse, now what do we do?

Shadow: Now, we wait until Egg—

Bokkun: (*Zooming in*) Hi!

Rougett: (*Jumps 5 feet in the air*)

Bokkun: Sorry about that. Anyway, I'm here because people have been complaining that someone's been complaining that your chimmney stinks.

Rougett: (*Innocently whistles*)

Shadow: Bokkun, how would you like me to polish you up a little bit?

Bokkun: Well, that person I mentioned earlier has been throwing bricks at my head… but okay!

A FEW MINUTES LATER DOWNSTAIRS…

Tails: (*Stops screaming and looks at the meat rack, only to see assorted limbs/organs*) Oh my god… (*Sees the sign on the meat grinder*) OH MY GOD…

(*The trapdoor opens, and Bokkun's head falls out*)

Shadow: (*Holding a hacksaw instead of a razor*) Don't forget your bag! (*Drops Bokkun's bag*)

Tails: (*Starts screaming again*)

ABOUT HALF AN HOUR LATER…

Rougett: (*Opens bakehouse door*) Tails, how are you doing in he—SHADOW, TAILS IS GONE!

Shadow: So?

Rougett: You are coming with me to the police station to fill out a missing child report! (*Drags Shadow by the foot*)

Shadow: Noooooo, I wanted to kill Eggman as soon as I could…

UPSTAIRS…

Charmabee: (*Flies through the hole in the door with Creambunny, who's wearing Antoine's clothes*) Shadow, I'm here with Cream—hm, geuss he's not here. You wait here while I call a cab. (*Shoves Creambunny into a trunk and runs out the door*)

Beggar Woman: (*Stumbling in*) Bokkun, Bokkun, are you still in here Bokkun? Bokkun? Beetles taste good in dumplings! Beetle dumplings! Beetle, beetle, beetle, beetle, beetle—

Shadow: Who the hell are you?

Beggar Woman: Sir, how in the world can you brethe in this stench—Hey… don't I know you?

Shadow: Shut up. (*Cuts her throat and shoves her down the trapdoor as the music from the same scence from the movie plays*) Mr. Sondheim, what's with the sad yet triumphent-sounding music?

Sondheim: Uh… nothing?

Author: Sondheim, I got back from your hometown (AKA NYC) 2 days ago, and STOP BREAKING THE 4TH WALL!

Eggman: (*Bursts in, and makes an even bigger hole in the door*) Where is she?

Shadow: Oh, Charmabee dropped her off a while ago. She's downstairs.

Eggman: Good. In the meantime, can you shave the other half of my mustache?

Shadow: (*Grinning evily*) Certainly.

(*After singing the same song they sang earlier*)

Shadow: Have you ever noticed that males are rarely attracted to the same female?

Eggman: I have prooved that myth wrong.

Shadow: (*Still Grinning evily*) Oh really? Then I suppose that the face of a barber… the face of a hedgehog the color of the dark won't be particuarly memorable…

Eggman: (*Looking at Shadow's face*) Shadow the _hedgehog!_

Shadow: (*Striking a cool pose*) _**SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG!**_ (*Thrusts razor in Eggman's throat several times before slitting, while getting treated to a refreshing spray of blood*) Rest now my friend, (*Folds razor*) rest now forever…

Creambunny: (*Sneezes*)

Shadow: (*Lifting trunk lid*) hello there, kid. Did you come for a shave?

Creambunny: (*Recongnizing Shadow's face*) …Daddy?

Shadow: I'M NOT YOUR **BEEP**-ING DADDY!

Author: Shadow, that's the wrong movie, character, line, and situation.

Shadow: Oh.

Rougett: (*Screams from the bakehouse*)

Shadow: Uh… forget my face. (*Runs down to the bakehouse*)

IN THE BAKEHOUSE…

Shadow: What is it?

Rougett: Oh, nothing. Help me burn these corpses. (*Opens oven*)

Shadow: (* Moves twoard the Beggar woman, but sees that the was Maria all along, albit with smallpox.) "Don't I know you?" she said… you _knew_ she lived!

Rougett: I was only thinking of you.

Sondheim: And I told you this would happen in your script.

Shadow: You _lied_ to me!

Rougett: I didn't lie at all, no I never lie.

Shadow: Maria…

Rougett: Well, I said she took a poison, but I didn't say she died, poor thing!

Shadow: …I've come hoooommmeee noooowwww…

Rougett: She did live, but it left her weak in the head! All that she did for months was lie in her bed!

Shadow: Maria…

Rougett: She should've gone to the hospital, but wond up in Vector's instead.

Shadow: OH MY GOOOOOOD…

Rougett: It should be better that you think she's dead, I did lie 'cause I loooovve you.

Shadow: Maria…

Rougett: I'd be twice the wife she was.

Shadow: WHAT HAVE I DOOONNE?

Rougett: Could she have cared for you like me?

Shadow: (*Quickly turns around with a creepy look on his face*) Mrs. Rougett, you're a bloody wonder, eminently practical and yet appropriate as always! As you've said repeatedly there's little point on dwelling on the past!

Rougett: Do you mean it?

Shadow: (*Beckoning, with an even creepier look on his face*) Do come here, my love. Nothing to fear, my love!

Rougett: I thought it was only for the best!

Shadow: What's dead is dead!

Rougett: Can we still be married?

Shadow: No. (*Waltzes*) The history of the world, my bat!

Rougett: Oh, Shadow Todd, oh Shadow Todd, leave it to me!

Shadow: Is to LEARN forgiveness and try to FORGEEEETT!

Rougett: By the sea, Shadow Todd, by the sea, Shadow Todd, we'll be comfy and cozy!

Shadow …And life is for the alive, my dear, so let's keep living it—

Both: Just keep living it, REALLY LIVING IT!

Shadow: (*Throws Mrs. Rougett into the open oven*)

Rougett: (*Burns while screaming in agony*)

Shadow: (*Goes back to Maria's corpse*) There was a hedgehog and his wife… and she was beautiful… a foolish hedgehog and his wife… she was his reason and his life, and she was BEAUTIIIIFUUULLL…

Tails: (*Pops out from a sewer hole*)

Shadow: …and she was virtuous…

Tails: (*Picks up Shadow's razor*)

Shadow: …and HE was… (*Hears footsteps behind him and raises neck*)

Tails: (*Cut's Shadow's throat and watches him bleed for 5 seconds*) That's for killing my new mommy.

Sondheim: All right everyone, cue the sad woodwind music!

Author: **IF YOU LIKED THIS STORY, JUST ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION ON MY PROFILE BEFORE 8/18/10!**


End file.
